Lost and Found, Mostly Found

      Have you ever lost something and fretted about it to the point of distraction?  I'm sure we all have.  Then, if you find the thing you lost, you tend to feel whole again. 

     But when something is lost and gone forever you tend to think about what you took for granted all this time. That point in life can be very distressing. Now it's gone and not coming back.  Part of this human condition has to do with the glass half full or half empty notion.  I'm not sure one is a pessimist when the glass is seen as half empty.  There was a loss, after all, and it is not coming back.  The question for me became ok so I've lost a lot of my heart function, but I have an LVAD so what do I do now.  I chose to accept my condition and move on.  In Jesse Ventura's memorable movie line as he is wounded in the jungle by hostile forces but continues to do battle:  I ain't got time to bleed.

    Some 500,000 persons develop congestive heart failure each year.  Many with the condition do not survive or survive for long. Even fewer survived a short 20 years ago.  A few fortunate CHF sufferers are diagnosed  and some of those can be treated.  Few can be cured.  For most it is a permanent condition.

     Among the few who can be treated, an LVAD may be just what was needed. An LVAD is mechanical circulatory support for an ailing heart.

      I took for granted the condition of my Chevrolet heart, as the cardiologist called it.  Over a short time, the Chevy heart deteriorated and became suitable only for the junk yard.  The the left ventricular assist device happened and I got back much of what I lost.

      It took more than a year to regain endurance and some strength.  I lost 50 pounds or more in the hospital and literally had to learn to walk again. My balance was shot, I had an unsteady gait, and stairs were a significant challenge.

     Now, with the help of cardio-rehab specialists I use the treadmill and other equipment for 45 or more minutes a day, five days a week. I haven't reached my limit but I do not expect to run a marathon or even a 5K.  I feel about as whole as I will feel under the circumstances.  I lost a lot but found more than enough to live my life.  For me that is a win and I'm grateful each day.  Life is not a destination.  It's a journey.  The journey continues.